Small Talk

Networking-Connection: Just Three Names

YIKES!

Did you create a list of things you vowed to do differently this year- and yet, you still haven’t made a dent in the list months later? You are not alone. It happens to all of us!

Maybe you decided to:

Find a new position (a job to which you actually want to jump out of bed in the morning and run towards)
Look for more collaboration partners (who do you really enjoy working with?)
Build more clients in a particular market (could ask for referrals from existing clients)
Carve out more personal time for friends (you cannot believe you did not speak to her at all last year-so embarrassed to get her holiday card!)
Identify volunteer opportunities to share your passion (there are people who need your help, but I have not contacted them)
Call your cousins more often (didn’t you have a great time at Christmas!)

Now let’s get you started in a manageable way….

Here is an exercise you that will get you started- quickly and simply!

Pick three names. Seriously, no more than three names of people who you want to reconnect with, want to get to know better, want to approach for referrals, owe a return call from six months ago, etc. You get the picture. You know who they are! In fact, you probably think about them often and have let so much time go by that now you are afraid to call or write.

Write the three names on a piece of paper. Next to each name write everything you know about them. We will call these Connection Points.

Connection Point Examples– likes wine, has three daughters who take ballet, vacations in Michigan, is a copywriter, is a morning person, used to watch a lot of television years ago, loves fast food, has lived in that house for 30 years, youngest child left for college last year, is related to you and therefore you have all kinds of information about them but nothing very recent, used to work at IBM with Sally, just expanded their business, recently updated their website, works in an industry that is struggling, etc.

Now decide on ONE Connection Method for each of these three people. Telephone call, stop by their house, invite for coffee, Skype conversation, handwritten note, email, invite to a yoga class, note through social/professional networking site, etc.

For each of your three people, circle a few of the Connection Points (what you know about them) and commit to including these with your Connection Method. It serves like an icebreaker and adds some intimacy to the connection. You are reminding them how you are connected or what old stories you have shared, while at the same time not giving the appearance in any way that you want something and are reaching out after all this time to ask for help. It aids in making the conversation/email/note less awkward and more personalized. For some of the people on your list, the connection is just long-overdue but not awkward. For others, you will rely on these connection points.

Consider for each person what you have that might be able to help THEM- a further connection, a resource, a conversation with an adult every once in a while for that stay-at-home mom friend, a monthly breakfast collaboration meeting, book suggestion, etc. Write some of those ideas next to the person’s name as well.

The Ultimate Goal- Make a face–to-face meeting with each one of them as a follow up to your initial connection! Even if you start with an email or a phone call, your ultimate goal is to be sitting in front of each of the three in an engaging conversation.

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Now what you have is a list of three names that are part of your Connection Strategy.
Beside each name you have some reminders of what you know about them and some talking/writing Connection Points to use.
You have committed to HOW you will reach out to them, what Connection Method you will use.
You have a good starting point for how you can help them-what you can offer them.
And…. A plan to meet up with each of them over the next few weeks.

Not so overwhelming now, is it?

I included my list here as well so you can take a sneak peek.

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Inside the Brain of Bryn: Connection

Inside the Brain of Bryn, there are many thoughts on CONNECTION.

Connecting is one of my passions. It conjures up thoughts of enjoyment, shared interests, laughter, interesting conversations -with me out in the world being authentic.

When I am connecting, I am not struggling for the “right” words.
When I am connecting I am not trying so hard to impress people that I’m not listening to them.
When I am connecting, I am thinking about how I can help that person – through advice, people I know, ideas I have or simply witnessing an idea or experience they are having.
When I am connecting, I am comfortable in my body and my clothes.
When I am connecting, it is easy to plan that next get-together to collaborate.
When I am connecting, I don’t need to TELL people about my business or my career ideas and shove a business card in their hand. Instead they are naturally curious about me and ASK to connect with me.

Ask questions. Set a goal to find out one new thing about someone and to share one thing about yourself.

To get started, practice on people you know well. Practice when the stakes do not feel very high. Practice just talking to neighbors, community members, colleagues at work, vendors or customers, family members and friends.

It is incredible how dialogue changes when you are asking questions and being yourself in the conversation.

Remember the feeling! You will bring it with you to your next seemingly high-pressured networking event and transform your experience!

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Back to School Connecting

New school supplies.
Special school shoes.
Fall clothes that will be too hot to wear for a month.
Homeroom assignment.
Stories of our summer escapades.
The yellow school bus conversations.

I have so many cherished memories of “back to school” time. Yes, I was one of those kids who could not WAIT to get back to school and see everyone. The comforting routine of classes, homework and clearly defined expectations made me safe in the world.

However, in retrospect, I see it was also all about the CONNECTION.

School was about old and new friends, social activities, and a shared language and experience. It made small talk easy. It eliminated so much of the social anxiety for boys and girls because you could always talk about a teacher, an assignment or a school activity.

How is it that so many of us have gotten away from that behavior? Is it simply because many of us no longer go to school?

My career coaching clients are always asking for networking tips- for ideas on how to break the ice with someone they want to get to know- for ways to expand their circle of influence and opportunity.

Well, some of you reading this ARE full-time or part-time students! Bravo! You have a built in networking system. Get out there and meet people. Start simple. Say hello and compare notes.
Some of you reading this are parents or grandparents of school-age children. This can be a huge advantage for you and your networking efforts. Yes, you might just be running in and out of the school, waiting in the parking lot with the car running, worrying that you are late for his or her activity because of a meeting that ran over… but what if you took a moment to breathe. View the landscape. All that volunteering you are asked to do could be the opportunity you have been looking for to meet some new people. Standing outside the school or on the sidelines of the soccer field is a great time to engage with another parent, aunt or grandparent beyond the perfunctory “hey”. You have a common “back to school” language that you can use to begin your connecting.
And if you do not fall into the student or parent category right now, there are ways for you to take advantage of the “back to school” thrill in the air. Sign up for a class- something you have been meaning to do for years: knitting, fiction writing, kickboxing, pottery, computer science, guitar, home repair, CPR, ice skating … it really doesn’t matter. Make this the year that you check it off your list! You will be joined by a group of local people all interested in the learning the same thing. Instant conversation! Instant connection. Instant networking.

“Back to school” is all about new beginnings. All about connection, teamwork and expanding your mind. Add a little of this into your life and watch your circle of influence grow. And perhaps buy a new pair of “back to school” shoes to treat yourself!

[photo: my niece many years ago on her first day of school]

Are You Ready? : Networking Tip

Every event is a networking event.

Every business meeting. Every conference. Every community forum. Every bridal shower. Every long supermarket line. Every group of parents standing around waiting for kids after school. They are all events. Each an opportunity to network.

It’s not just the truth according to the Brain of Bryn. It is THE truth.

My recommendation. BE READY!

Ready with your business card. Ready with your pitch. Ready with your career ideas. Ready with your latest priorities in terms of career progression.

WARNING: YOU WON’T LEAD WITH ANY OF THIS.

You simply need to be ready with answers to questions such as: What do you need next in your career? Who do you need to be introduced to? What information do you need to research a potential opportunity? What do you do best? How do your skills translate? What industry are you exploring? Where are you moving?

With answers to these questions in your arsenal, you will feel far more confident when you approach someone with a smile or handshake, greet someone with a wave or strike up the small talk.

No one likes to “network” with someone who pushes a business card in their face, leads with “buy my stuff” or “what can you do for me?” or feigns familiarity in order to get a much-wanted connection to that person’s network. IMMEDIATE turn-off.

However, investing time to have the conversation naturally move in a direction (now or during a future conversation) that allows you to talk about your career transition and reveal more about you, etc. is a completely different story. You want to be ready. When that person you just met or got to know better says, “How can I help you?” or “What do you need?” all that preparation will serve you well.

Confidence. You will know what to ask for. The networking jitters will fall away. You will be able to articulate where you are in your career transition and identify how your next steps might progress with that person’s help.

You delight them with being YOU. And the opportunities for genuine conversation and networking simply spring forward.

Complete the Triangle: Small Talk

The connection for which you’ve been waiting. Your friend, family member or former colleague made a much-needed introduction for you. Congratulations!

Now, it’s time for you to shine!

However, before you head out to that coffee date or jump on the phone for the conversation, take the time to complete the triangle.

You see, many people skip this simple little preparation step and it accounts for so much of the awkwardness and lack of confidence in the exchange.

Don’t forget that there are THREE people in this conversation. You. Your new connection. The person who introduced you. The triangle.

Be ready with a little current information about the friend or colleague you have in common. How their kids are doing, where they work now, what projects they are working on, how their renovation is coming along, how the football team they are fanatical about fared this season, etc. Basically, you want an up-to-date and simple answer to the inevitable question that goes something like this… “oh I love Joe and haven’t talked to him for ages, how is he doing?”

When the question comes, you want to be prepared with an answer. It does not need to be much. It doesn’t matter if you get it from a recent email exchange with Joe when he agreed to make the introduction or from stalking him on Facebook. Just do not let this moment end in an awkward silence.

Then be ready to share a reason you really appreciate that common connection– his humor in the workplace, his passion for coaching his daughter’s soccer team, or the meaningful words of wisdom he shared with you when you got promoted 10 years ago. You get the idea.

It is all about the small talk. Be prepared.

Complete the triangle. Then, it’s time to get down to business.