A Shift

A shift.

This morning- I felt a shift.

FINALLY.

Because for the past few months, I’ve been stuck.  Trapped in place.

• Exhausted— even after an 8-hour sleep
• Unfocused— very distracted or zoning out while time passes
• Isolated— dear friends and family who have had to wait patiently for me to reconnect because I have not been in an emotional space or had the energy for a conversation (even when I crave the connection- such a strange feeling)- and then, the  guilt I feel for not connecting is a whole other layer of isolation
• Emotional— unregulated in that I could be feeling like I am holding in my breath and emotions, and then 2 minutes later crying “out of nowhere”
• Overwhelmed—  all the client and household projects which need attention and have been getting little to none of my time
• Sedentary— moving to complete tasks that absolutely need to  done, but taking no extra effort to exercise or stretch –so now I am beginning to feel like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz

And then pile on the grief of losing Norman the cat, the worry of a missing colony cat, the challenges and pain many I love are going through right now, 9/11 anniversary,  entrepreneurial pressures and the general state of the world…

But this morning- I feel different.

Things are changing and shifting all around me in the lives of people I love, but there was nothing that screamed out— THIS IS THE THING! And yet, here I am.

Feeling hopeful, motivated, grateful, emotional and positively charged.

• Finally sat down in front of my computer and finished thanking each person who sent an outpouring of love on social media when Norman died 6 weeks ago. So very grateful to my community for essentially giving me a huge virtual hug!
• Contacted a few people on my “Advisory Council” to ask for help in a few areas- because I have been isolating and procrastinating. There are gifted people who can and will definitely help me if I ask.
• Calmly and steadily worked through a plan for someone who needed a “thought-partner”
• Reached out to say I love you to a group of people who are having a particularly challenging day
• Organized the work that needs to get done over the next few days in an actionable and realistic list- finally!
• Took a little spiritual time to recenter myself. I have been pushing past that grounding practice for MONTHS. My journal and favorite inspirational books literally have dust on them (oh, because I have not been doing housework either). I was “too busy”. (umm… too busy zoning out and feeling exhausted?)

I share all this as a bit of an affirmation to myself. It is always more real when I see it in writing. A reminder for Future Bryn (I love her) that once again one of my guiding principles for life really works.

Don’t Quit Before The Miracle

I am watching it happen all around me to people I love and for clients every day.

It works for me, too. The “stuck” feeling ended. I just had to go THROUGH it all and have faith.

Perhaps this might be helpful to you as well.